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Michael 2/6/2004
Q: How do you know its bedtime at Michael Jacksons house
<br>
A: When the big hand touches the little hand
0 Comments, 9 Views,
23 Votes
,3.01 Score
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three blonds 2/6/2004
Three blonds are going to disney world and driving for six
hours when they see a sign that says disney land left....
so they turned around and went home.
0 Comments, 4 Views,
29 Votes
,2.54 Score
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How do you keep a blonde busy :-) 2/6/2004
Put her a round pool and tell her to swim from corner to corner
0 Comments, 3 Views,
17 Votes
,3.13 Score
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Mother in law 2/6/2004
A man goes on holiday with his wife and mother in law to the
holy land, shortly after they arrive the mother in law dies.
In grief the man and his wife go to the undertaker to organise
the funeral. When they get there the undertaker explains
that they can have the body shipped home for a cost of $5000
or a very tasteful service could be done here for a cost of
$150.
"We'll ship her ...
1 Comments, 147 Views,
26 Votes
,4.00 Score
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the boy who skip the test 2/6/2004
john went for an oral test. the teacher told him to read out
a short story. and told him he can skip the words he dont know.
john say teacher i finish skipping......
0 Comments, 12 Views,
29 Votes
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Beauty And The Duck 2/2/2004
A duck is staying in a hotel and he's having a few drinks
in the bar, when he notices a woman sitting alone and starts
chatting with her.
They hit it off, so the duck suggests going back to his room
for a nightcap.
The woman agrees.
One thing leads to another and they end up on the bed.
This is all very unexpected for the duck, who's totally
unprepared.
He rings room service ...
0 Comments, 14 Views,
75 Votes
,5.46 Score
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nurse blowjobs 2/2/2004
why are nurses so bad at giving blow jobs?
<br>
they always wait for the swelling to go down.
1 Comments, 22 Views,
53 Votes
,6.61 Score
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The Bar Celebration 2/2/2004
There was a guy who walked into his favorite bar, where he
knew the bar tender and vice versa. He said "Hey bartender
line me up 10 shots"; well since the bartender knew
him he lined him up 10 shots of his favorite drink. The guy
drinks one shot right after the other til they were all gone.
The bartender said to the guy "Hey what you celebrating?".
The guy replied "I got my first blow ...
1 Comments, 39 Views,
9 Votes
,4.28 Score
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a pregnant blonde brunette and redhead 1/31/2004
three woman are sitting in the doctors office their all
pregnant one ask the brunette what she was having she said
a girl because she likes it on bottom she asks the redhead
what shes having she said a boy because she likes it on top
all of sudden the blonde starts crying the other woman ask
whats wrong the replies i'm gonna have puppies
0 Comments, 34 Views,
29 Votes
,6.85 Score
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curb service 1/28/2004
There were two vice cops that heard about a new whorehouse
that had opened up. So they decided to check it out. It was
in an old three story building. One cop decided to stay with
the radio in case there was a problem. The other one went
in to check the building. They agreed that as the cop checked
each floor he would shine his flashlight out the window
to show that he was okay and the ...
1 Comments, 26 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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busy Balls 1/28/2004
A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading
down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first
bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times
last year." The wife turns to her husband and says,
"He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This
bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to ...
0 Comments, 12 Views,
8 Votes
,5.33 Score
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TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX 1/28/2004
1. You can GET chocolate.
2. "If you love me you'll swallow that"
has real meaning with chocolate.
<br>
3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
<br>
4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
<br>
5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
<br>
6. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother. ...
0 Comments, 15 Views,
12 Votes
,5.27 Score
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Is he dead? 1/28/2004
A 911 operator received a call from a very distraught man.
<br>
"Hello? Oh my God! We are out in the woods hunting and
Bob just collapsed. I... I think he's dead!"
the man exclaimed.
<br>
"Now sir, " the operator said. "Take
a few deep breaths and try to calm down. Now the first thing
we have to do is make sure Bob is really dead. Can you do that?"
<br>
"Yes, ...
1 Comments, 36 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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The Shot slammer 1/26/2004
A guy was drinking at the bar and another guy comes up and
orders a shot and slams it down; then he orders another and
does the same thing; then another; and then another.......
Finally after 10 shots the slammer stops and pauses. The
first guy asks what caused the need to drink so much. The
slammer replied " got my first BJ to completion a little
while ago". The first guy said " Now that's ...
1 Comments, 44 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Do you know what your gal is doing???? 1/25/2004
Do you know what a womans ass hole is doing when her pussy
is having a orgasm? He is at home watching the .
0 Comments, 10 Views,
7 Votes
,4.57 Score
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Two Troublemakers 1/25/2004
A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10.
<br>
They were always getting into trouble, and their parents
knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their
sons would get the blame.
<br>
<br>
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had
been
successful in disciplining , so she asked if he
would speak with her boys. The ...
0 Comments, 12 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
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polish 1/25/2004
there are 3 guys a american a germany and a polish. they find
a room full of tampons and bet each other who can stay in the
room the longest. the american is up first after a week he
comes out and says i cant stand the stench then it's
the germany's turn he last about a week and a half comes
out ha i got you beat american then the polish goes in after
2 week the germany and american tell ...
0 Comments, 11 Views,
2 Votes
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Deaf Sex 1/25/2004
Two deaf people got married. During the first week of marriage,
they found that they were unable to communicate in the bedroom
with the lights out, since they can't see each other
signing, or lips to lip-read.
<br>
After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings,
the wife figures out a solution. "Honey, why don't
we agree on some simple signals? For instance, ...
0 Comments, 12 Views,
16 Votes
,7.10 Score
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The right age for swearing. 1/25/2004
A 5-year old and a 4-year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
"You know what?" says the 5-year old, "I
think it's about time we start swearing. I think we
are old enough."
<br>
The 4-year old nods his head in approval.
<br>
The 5-year old continues. "When we go downstairs
for breakfast, I'm gonna say "hell, "
and you say "ass." OK?"
<br>
The 4-year old ...
0 Comments, 17 Views,
16 Votes
,6.95 Score
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Wendy 1/24/2004
This little guy had his girlfriends name tattooed on his
penis. When his penis got soft only the W and Y of WENDY were
visible.
One day while on vacation in Jamaica he was standing in front
of the urinal. A good size Jamaican was standing next to
him.The little guy looked over and saw a W and a Y on the Jamaicans
penis. He asked him: "is your girlsfriends name Wendy?"
No, why do you ask? ...
0 Comments, 14 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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mayonaise 1/24/2004
Q: What's the difference between mayonaise ans sperm?
A: Mayonaise does't hit the back of your throat at 50mph.
1 Comments, 12 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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love dress 1/23/2004
A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married
's
>>>house.
>>> > She rang the doorbell and walked in.
She was shocked to see her
>>> > -in-law lying on the couch,
totally naked. Soft music
>>>was
>>> > playing;the aroma of perfume filled
the room.
>>> > "What are you doing?" she
asked.
...
0 Comments, 48 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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Things not to say to a cop when you're pulled over... 1/23/2004
Back off Barney, I've got a piece.
<br>
Want to race to the station, Sparky?
<br>
I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb
Hideout!
<br>
On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.
<br>
You'll never get those cuffs on me...You Pussy!
<br>
Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
<br>
...
0 Comments, 12 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score
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one liners 1/23/2004
1. What's the difference between a drug dealer and
a ?
>>>>>>A can wash her crack
and sell it again.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>2. Why do women call it PMS?
>>>>>>Mad Cow Disease was already
taken.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>3. What is a mixed feeling?
>>>>>>When you see ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
12 Votes
,5.27 Score
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If you don't find this funny, you're already dead 1/23/2004
Here's a dilemma for you....
In all honour and dignity what would you do?
<br>
This test only has one question, but it's a very important
one, so please don't answer it without giving it some
serious thought.
It features an unlikely, completely fictional situation,
where you will have to make a decision one way or the other.
Remember that your answer needs to be honest, ...
0 Comments, 19 Views,
11 Votes
,4.85 Score
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milk bath 1/23/2004
MILK BATH
<br>
> > A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful.
She left a note
> for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the
milkman read the
note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably
meant
1.5 gallons so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
> >
> > The blonde came to the door and ...
0 Comments, 24 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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infant size 1/23/2004
Infant Size
>
>
>Betty and Bob began dating with it known to both that
neither one was
>interested in having sex until they were married.
The relationship was
>doing very well so Bob decided to propose to Betty.
She accepted.
>
>The night before the wedding Betty approached Bob
saying "Bob I feel
>there is something I must tell you before we get ...
0 Comments, 23 Views,
8 Votes
,5.80 Score
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6/49 1/23/2004
A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway,
runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top
of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags! I won the damn
lottery!"
> The husband says, "Ohmigod! No shit?! What should
I pack, beach stuff, mountain stuff ... ?" The wife
yells back, "It doesn't matter!! Just get the
fuck out!!"
0 Comments, 18 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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poor guy 1/23/2004
The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately
to
>>take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn't bring
his swimming
>>outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed
and
>>got into the water.
>>After some delightful minutes of cool swimming,
a pair of
>>old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction.
He
>>panicked, got ...
0 Comments, 15 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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golfer-bee sting 1/23/2004
A woman comes running into the club house yelling, "I
JUST GOT STUNG BY A BEE!" The club pro that was there
asked her, "Where did you get stung?" The woman
answers, "Between the 1st and 2nd holes." The
pro replies, "Sounds like your stance is too wide!"
0 Comments, 6 Views,
0 Votes
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